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Monday, October 15, 2018

Her Name is Mom

When we were young women, we were concerned with taking care of ourselves; getting an education, looking our best, having great friendships, finding the right guy, travelling, partying and overall looking out for "me".
We got married and most of us, at some point, decided to start a family.
When we found out we were preganant we committed to good nutrition, maybe a prenatal yoga class if we had the energy, a maternity wardrobe. We decorated the baby room like were
 Martha Stewart's apprentices and read all the latest books that spewed regergitated advice on how to be a great, super fantastic, state of the art mother.
The truth is no book, no advice from the super mom squad pepared us for what was to come.
The minute our baby was born, we were lost. 

Lost in a love that is more powerful than any force on earth or heaven.
The YOU, you were ceased to exist and you became "Mom".

That tiny baby holds your heart in the palm of their hand. They hurt, you hurt a million times more, they cry, you cry harder, they laugh, you laugh louder.
Every mistake they make you feel the pain.
Every accomplished they experience, you experience it more profoundly.
Sleep and peace of mind become elusive memories.
You life is filled with homework, birthday parties and scrambling from one sporting event to the next.
You become a chauffeur, ATM machine, laundry service, and on demand personal assistant.

You do it all willingly.

The years buzz by faster than a supersonic jet streaking through the sky.

Eventually, and alot faster than you think, that sweet chubby baby becomes a teenager, and worrying becomes your full time job! You worry incessantly about the poor choices they may make; drinking , drugs,sex, bad peer groups,driving.  And you wonder why your hair falls outs, you have bags under you eyes and you feel exhaused 99.99 percent of the time!
The most difficult thing to accept is that you have little control over them. You can only hope that their frontal lobe is working better than most.

The day will come when they leave and chaos no longer reigns the home and you find yourself wondering who you are.
The sense of loss is profound.
You remember every moment. The bedtime stories, the goodnight kisses, family vacations, birthday parties, hockey and soccer games, the tears, the joys and everything in between. You wouldn't trade a single moment.

For so many years you were MOM!
Of course you will always be MOM, you will always worry and fret, but now you must find that girl who gave herself over to being MOM.
She is in there somewhere, waiting.